The Rollercoaster of Sleep Confidence

Something BIG happened last week (yes, it’s sleep related)! 

My youngest son changed his middle of the night pattern.

Let me rewind back to when my children started learning independent sleep skills. They were pretty good sleepers and thrived with consistent routines and schedule.

HOWEVER, there were clear differences in their circadian rhythms and temperament that influenced sleep. My oldest is still a very deep sleeper and a night owl. My middle is an early bird. And my youngest, the now 8-year-old, is a sensitive, light sleeper who benefits from more sleep support.

Back to my youngest:

A couple of years ago, he expressed age-appropriate fears – sounds, shadows, unfamiliar objects that he sees in the dark.  This newly realized fear led to night wakings and even some 3 AM tears. A couple of times a week he was waking us for some reassurance before he put himself back to sleep.  

While these wake ups were brief and we could simply tuck him back in, it was annoying getting woken in the middle of my sleep!

Fast forward to recently:

For the most part, he sleeps soundly and independently through the night. He has learned how to navigate his fears and reassure himself.

Here’s the BIG moment I want to share with you –

Last week around 3 AM I woke to my 8 year old leaving my room quietly.

This is BIG because he confidently went back to sleep on his own. He stopped himself from waking me up and had the self-assurance to tuck himself in.

So what did we do to get him to change the night waking pattern?

IDEA:

The Sleep Lady Shuffle can be modified and used as a responsive approach for your unique situation.

Here’s how I used my Gentle Sleep Coaching approach to change my son’s night waking pattern:

1. I walked him back to his bed and tucked him in. I stayed long enough so he was calm and settled.
2. I screened any movies or books to make sure there were no scary images. I also encouraged him to self-edit anything that he felt was too scary for him.
3. I gradually intervened less by asking him to tuck himself back in and just walking him to his bedroom door.
4. During the day we would practice turning off the lights and pointing out the objects in his room.
5. I stopped asking if he woke up scared during breakfast.

KEY POINTS:

• Intervened he gained confidence AND skills to put himself back to sleep.
• Helped raise self-awareness so he understood what he could handle independently and when he needed support.  

RESOURCE:

Macall Gordon is a fellow Gentle Sleep Coach who studies the sleep training research! One insightful conclusion she shares is how most sleep training approaches don’t factor in temperament. In her review of the literature on babies, attachment and sleep training, temperament is a huge influence on the success of sleep training!

Check out her brand new book!

TIP:

Ask yourself:

Is this behavior developmentally appropriate? Is this behavior related to normal brain development?

Sometimes, a child’s behavior is completely normal and typical. Yes, regressions happen, and they often happen because a child is progressing.

To change the go to sleep and back to sleep pattern, it helps to understand developmental changes.

I loved the user-friendly guide from the Mt. Sinai Parenting Center to learn about developmental milestones by age.