What Being a Triplet Taught Me
Jul 16, 2024
Yup, you read that correctly. I’m a triplet: fraternal boys and one girl (that’s me).
Yes, we are close. No, I can’t read their minds.
We grew up in the same house, with the same parents, and mostly the same opportunities. And yet . . . WE ARE SO DIFFERENT!
I know you’ve probably experienced something similar. Maybe you and your siblings are different, or you have multiple children, and you can’t believe they’re related!
Growing up, I used to think that environmental factors had everything to do with how we turned out – education, opportunities, loving and supportive family etc. Then in college, while majoring in Child Development and Psychology, I learned all about temperament (among other things).
It was more of an ‘aha’ moment. Everything started to make sense – like why my brothers and I went down different paths – we are biologically different. There’s no way around it, even when raised in the same environment.
As an adult, it is truly fascinating and unsurprising to hear stories from when we were babies. My parents will say, “He was always like that, even as an infant.”
IDEA
It’s easier to change your approach rather than your child’s temperament.
I know it seems obvious, but if everyone grasped this idea, we wouldn’t have all the marketing around a single method or plan – especially when it comes to sleep and potty training. I do believe many parents figure out how to adapt a single method for their child, and I also believe that some adaptable children go along with their parent’s requests.
For almost all the families I’ve worked with so far, this is not the case. Think spirited, active, alert, sensitive, cautious, wants to lead, strong willed, perceptive, knows what they want. These are valuable traits that serve these children well, especially as adults.
What this means is taking a deep look at your own temperament and how you are engaging with your child (who may have a different temperament).
RESOURCE
I’ve posted this before but if you haven’t listened to it yet, it’s a must for any person!
Raising Good Humans, S3 Ep 30: Understanding Temperament Will Change the Way You Parent
TIP
If you notice Alert characteristics, like a strong will and a desire to feel in control, offer your child several choices (you should be okay with any of these choices).
For a more Adaptive temperament, use descriptive praise , set clear expectations, and practice the new behavior before the anticipated change.
Sensitive Observers do well with more practice and preparation of what will happen.
To sum it up, there is no one size fits all. I’m living proof that we are all different. And that’s why believe so firmly in my approach when it comes to sleep and potty coaching: Helping tired families with customized sleep and potty support.