Are Your Mixed Messages Causing Night Wakings?
Jan 08, 2024
Imagine you put your baby to sleep in their crib each night. They are mostly good, but recently they have been waking earlier and earlier. Many days, you’re so tired that by 5 AM you end up bringing your baby into bed with you to get one more hour of rest.
Babies and young children are fast learners. Every time you change your response you send your child mixed messages. In this example, you are sometimes putting your baby in their crib and sometimes putting bringing them into bed with you.
The problem is that babies can’t tell time and so they don’t know what to expect. It makes sense that they cry out of frustration when you don’t bring them into your bed.
Another word for this is intermittent reinforcement.
IDEA:
Inconsistency makes it harder for babies to learn self-regulation skills.
When we are inconsistent, our child is unsure of what will happen. They might expect one response from us, and then when we offer a different response, they become frustrated (makes sense right?). Frustration leads to dysregulation. When babies are dysregulated, they cannot learn new skills (like the learned skill of putting themselves to sleep)!
I described one example of inconsistency above.
Here’s another: At bedtime, you try to let your baby cry it out because you heard they can learn to self soothe this way. But, after 25 minutes you can’t take it anymore and you pick them up and rock them to sleep. Now you’re not sure what to do, and your baby may have learned that they need to cry long enough so you’ll comfort them.
RESOURCE:
I’ve tried a variety of tools to determine the most efficient way to log sleep and activity. Apple Notes seems to be a favorite – we almost always have our phones with us AND it’s easy to enter quick information.
If you have any apple device, copy and paste this Sleep Log Template into your notes App. With some quick review, you may notice patterns of consistency or inconsistency.
TIP:
If your baby is under 3 months old, please don’t worry about ‘spoiling’ them or creating bad habits. Their brains are still in a primitive state and need your help to regulate and soothe. I recommend noticing what helps them calm down and guiding them towards a regular wake up time and bedtime.
Make sure to follow me @grooveparenting to learn more on how to support your child’s healthy sleep practices.